MyNiceSpace.com
MyNiceSpace.com
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
QUOTES
Bart: Look at that hunk of junk!
Grandpa: (sputters) You're ignorant! That's the Wright Brothers' plane! In Kitty Hawk in 1903, Charles Lindbergh flew it fifteen miles on a thimble full of corn oil. Single-handedly won us the Civil War, it did!
Bart: How do you know so much about history, Grandpa?
Grandpa: I pieced it together, mostly from sugar packets!
Grandpa: (sputters) You're ignorant! That's the Wright Brothers' plane! In Kitty Hawk in 1903, Charles Lindbergh flew it fifteen miles on a thimble full of corn oil. Single-handedly won us the Civil War, it did!
Bart: How do you know so much about history, Grandpa?
Grandpa: I pieced it together, mostly from sugar packets!
Quotes
Marge: [grumbling] Uhhh... My best dress. (Bart laughs)
Lisa: Why do I get the feeling that one day I'll be describing this to a psychiatrist?
Homer:: Listen to 'em laughing. This is so humiliating. I'm never going to live this down. Damn Flanders!!!!
Flanders: [laughing] You know, Simpson, I feel kinda silly but, what the hey, you know. It kinda reminds me of my good old fraternity days.
Homer: D'OH!!!! Oh my God, he's enjoying it!
Lisa: Why do I get the feeling that one day I'll be describing this to a psychiatrist?
Homer:: Listen to 'em laughing. This is so humiliating. I'm never going to live this down. Damn Flanders!!!!
Flanders: [laughing] You know, Simpson, I feel kinda silly but, what the hey, you know. It kinda reminds me of my good old fraternity days.
Homer: D'OH!!!! Oh my God, he's enjoying it!
Friday, November 13, 2009
Quotes
Tom Clancy: Hello, this is Tom Clancy. Would I say, "If you're hunting for a good read this October, Marge Simpson's book is a clear and present danger to your free time"? Hell no I wouldn't. What do you mean I just said it? That doesn't count! Hello. Hello?
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
QUOTES
Detective: Now don't you fret. When I'm through, he won't set foot in this town again. I can be very, very persuasive.[The detective takes out a gun and puts it in his coat. He joins Sideshow Bob in a bar.]
Detective: [whiny] Come on, leave town!
Sideshow Bob No.
Detective: I'll be your friend!
Sideshow Bob: No.
Detective: Aw, you're mean!
Detective: [whiny] Come on, leave town!
Sideshow Bob No.
Detective: I'll be your friend!
Sideshow Bob: No.
Detective: Aw, you're mean!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Quotes
[Homer is asleep on the couch, drool dripping out of his mouth.]
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No.
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No![following Homer walking down the hallway]
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No.
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No.[at the dinner table]
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No.
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No![as Homer watches television]
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No.
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No.[as Homer takes a shower]
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No!!
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: NO!!!![as Homer is in bed]
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: NO!!!!!!
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: NOOO!!
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: NOOOOO!!![Marge pulls her pillow over her head]
Homer: If I take you will you two SHUT UP AND QUIT BUGGING ME!
Bart: Yeah!
Lisa: Of course!
Bart: Well?
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: Yes!
Bart+Lisa: Thanks, dad!
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No.
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No![following Homer walking down the hallway]
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No.
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No.[at the dinner table]
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No.
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No![as Homer watches television]
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No.
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No.[as Homer takes a shower]
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No!!
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: NO!!!![as Homer is in bed]
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: NO!!!!!!
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: NOOO!!
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: NOOOOO!!![Marge pulls her pillow over her head]
Homer: If I take you will you two SHUT UP AND QUIT BUGGING ME!
Bart: Yeah!
Lisa: Of course!
Bart: Well?
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: Yes!
Bart+Lisa: Thanks, dad!
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Quotes
Leon: Don't you worry. Your family's going to be here before you know it.
Hospital patient: Forget it, pal. There's only one way out of here, and it ain't pretty.
Homer: What's that?
Hospital patient: Dating a nurse.
Homer: [whining] Oh!
Hospital patient: Forget it, pal. There's only one way out of here, and it ain't pretty.
Homer: What's that?
Hospital patient: Dating a nurse.
Homer: [whining] Oh!
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
What Is Intelligence, Anyway?
When I was in the army, I received the kind of aptitude test that
all soldiers took and, against a normal of 100, scored 160. No one at
the base had ever seen a figure like that, and for two hours they made
a big fuss over me. (It didn't mean anything. The next day I was still
a buck private with KP - kitchen police - as my highest duty.)
All my life I've been registering scores like that, so that I have
the complacent feeling that I'm highly intelligent, and I expect other
people to think so too. Actually, though, don't such cores simply
mean that I am very good at answering the type of academic questions
that are considered worthy of answers by people who make up the
intelligence tests - people with intellectual bents similar to mine?
For instance, I had an auto-repair man once, who, on these
intelligence tests, could not possibly have scored more than 80, by my
estimate. I always took it for granted that I was far more intelligent
than he was. Yet, when anything went wrong with my car I hastened to
him with it, watched him anxiously as he explored its vitals, and
listened to his pronouncements as though they were divine oracles -
and he always fixed my car.
Well, then, suppose my auto-repair man devised questions for an
intelligence test. Or suppose a carpenter did, or a farmer, or,
indeed, almost anyone but an academician. By every one of those tests,
I'd prove myself a moron, and I'd be a moron, too. In a world where
I could not use my academic training and my verbal talents but had to
do something intricate or hard, working with my hands, I would do
poorly. My intelligence, then, is not absolute but is a function of
the society I live in and of the fact that a small subsection of that
society has managed to foist itself on the rest as an arbiter of such
matters.
Consider my auto-repair man, again. He had a habit of telling me
jokes whenever he saw me. One time he raised his head from under the
automobile hood to say: "Doc, a deaf-and-mute guy went into a hardware
store to ask for some nails. He put two fingers together on the
counter and made hammering motions with the other hand. The clerk
brought him a hammer. He shook his head and pointed to the two fingers
he was hammering. The clerk brought him nails. He picked out the sizes
he wanted, and left. Well, doc, the next guy who came in was a blind
man. He wanted scissors. How do you suppose he asked for them?"
Indulgently, I lifted by right hand and made scissoring motions
with my first two fingers. Whereupon my auto-repair man laughed
raucously and said, "Why, you dumb jerk, He used his voice and asked
for them." Then he said smugly, "I've been trying that on all my
customers today." "Did you catch many?" I asked. "Quite a few," he
said, "but I knew for sure I'd catch you." "Why is that?" I asked.
"Because you're so goddamned educated, doc, I knew you couldn't be
very smart."
And I have an uneasy feeling he had something there.
-- Isaac Asimov
all soldiers took and, against a normal of 100, scored 160. No one at
the base had ever seen a figure like that, and for two hours they made
a big fuss over me. (It didn't mean anything. The next day I was still
a buck private with KP - kitchen police - as my highest duty.)
All my life I've been registering scores like that, so that I have
the complacent feeling that I'm highly intelligent, and I expect other
people to think so too. Actually, though, don't such cores simply
mean that I am very good at answering the type of academic questions
that are considered worthy of answers by people who make up the
intelligence tests - people with intellectual bents similar to mine?
For instance, I had an auto-repair man once, who, on these
intelligence tests, could not possibly have scored more than 80, by my
estimate. I always took it for granted that I was far more intelligent
than he was. Yet, when anything went wrong with my car I hastened to
him with it, watched him anxiously as he explored its vitals, and
listened to his pronouncements as though they were divine oracles -
and he always fixed my car.
Well, then, suppose my auto-repair man devised questions for an
intelligence test. Or suppose a carpenter did, or a farmer, or,
indeed, almost anyone but an academician. By every one of those tests,
I'd prove myself a moron, and I'd be a moron, too. In a world where
I could not use my academic training and my verbal talents but had to
do something intricate or hard, working with my hands, I would do
poorly. My intelligence, then, is not absolute but is a function of
the society I live in and of the fact that a small subsection of that
society has managed to foist itself on the rest as an arbiter of such
matters.
Consider my auto-repair man, again. He had a habit of telling me
jokes whenever he saw me. One time he raised his head from under the
automobile hood to say: "Doc, a deaf-and-mute guy went into a hardware
store to ask for some nails. He put two fingers together on the
counter and made hammering motions with the other hand. The clerk
brought him a hammer. He shook his head and pointed to the two fingers
he was hammering. The clerk brought him nails. He picked out the sizes
he wanted, and left. Well, doc, the next guy who came in was a blind
man. He wanted scissors. How do you suppose he asked for them?"
Indulgently, I lifted by right hand and made scissoring motions
with my first two fingers. Whereupon my auto-repair man laughed
raucously and said, "Why, you dumb jerk, He used his voice and asked
for them." Then he said smugly, "I've been trying that on all my
customers today." "Did you catch many?" I asked. "Quite a few," he
said, "but I knew for sure I'd catch you." "Why is that?" I asked.
"Because you're so goddamned educated, doc, I knew you couldn't be
very smart."
And I have an uneasy feeling he had something there.
-- Isaac Asimov
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Quotes
Marge: Hawaii, here we come!
Lisa: No, no! We're going to Paris, I can feel it!
Bart: Come on, Transylvania!
Homer: No, mon, let's go home to Jamaica! I and I been in Babylon too long.
PA: Attention. Flight 605 to Tokyo is ready for departure, and has four available mega-savers seats.
Marge: Come on, Homer - Japan!
Homer: No, no Japan, Jamaica! I want to pass the dutchie on the left-hand side!
Lisa: No, no! We're going to Paris, I can feel it!
Bart: Come on, Transylvania!
Homer: No, mon, let's go home to Jamaica! I and I been in Babylon too long.
PA: Attention. Flight 605 to Tokyo is ready for departure, and has four available mega-savers seats.
Marge: Come on, Homer - Japan!
Homer: No, no Japan, Jamaica! I want to pass the dutchie on the left-hand side!
Quotes
[Homer looks at Moe's old boxing posters]
Homer: Moe? You used to be a boxer just like me?!
Moe: Yep! They called me Kid Gorgeous. Later on, it was Kid Presentable... and then it was Kid Gruesome... and finally, Kid Moe.
Homer: (looking at another picture) You know Lucius Sweet?! He's one of the biggest names in boxing! He's exactly as rich and famous as Don King, and he looks just like him, too!
Moe: Yeah, he was my manager! Back when I was Gorgeous, everybody wanted a piece of me. But somehow, I just never made it to the big time.
Homer: Why not?
Moe: 'Cause I got knocked out 40 times in a row. That, plus politics, you know. It's all politics.
Homer: Lousy Democrats!
Homer: Moe? You used to be a boxer just like me?!
Moe: Yep! They called me Kid Gorgeous. Later on, it was Kid Presentable... and then it was Kid Gruesome... and finally, Kid Moe.
Homer: (looking at another picture) You know Lucius Sweet?! He's one of the biggest names in boxing! He's exactly as rich and famous as Don King, and he looks just like him, too!
Moe: Yeah, he was my manager! Back when I was Gorgeous, everybody wanted a piece of me. But somehow, I just never made it to the big time.
Homer: Why not?
Moe: 'Cause I got knocked out 40 times in a row. That, plus politics, you know. It's all politics.
Homer: Lousy Democrats!
Quotes
[The Flaming Moe's Song]When the weight of the world has got you downAnd you want to end your lifeBills to pay, a dead-end jobAnd problems with the wifeWell, don't throw in the towelCos there's a place right down the blockWhere you can drink you misery away...At Flaming Moe's (Let's all go to Flaming Moe's)Where liquor in a mugCan warm you like a hugAnd happiness is just a Flaming Moe awayHappiness is just a Flaming Moe away
Monday, November 2, 2009
Quotes
Bart: Uh, yeah, I'd like to speak to a Mr. Tabooger, first name Ollie.
Homer: [excited Ooh, Bart, my first prank call! What do I do?
Bart: Just ask if anyone knows Ollie Tabooger.
Homer: [clueless] I don't get it.
Bart: [frustrated] Yell out 'I'll eat a booger'!
Homer: [clueless] What's the gag?
Bart: Oh, forget it...[hangs up]
Homer: [excited Ooh, Bart, my first prank call! What do I do?
Bart: Just ask if anyone knows Ollie Tabooger.
Homer: [clueless] I don't get it.
Bart: [frustrated] Yell out 'I'll eat a booger'!
Homer: [clueless] What's the gag?
Bart: Oh, forget it...[hangs up]
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Quotes
Homer: All I know is the guy who played Mozart was also in Animal House. Now there's a movie with good music.
(breaking into the Animal House song)
Animal House, House, House
Nobody ever went to class
Then we sawDonald Sutherland's ass
Animal House, House, House, House
Animal House, House, House, House
Then they did the end like American Graffiti
Where you found out what happened to everyone.
(breaking into the Animal House song)
Animal House, House, House
Nobody ever went to class
Then we sawDonald Sutherland's ass
Animal House, House, House, House
Animal House, House, House, House
Then they did the end like American Graffiti
Where you found out what happened to everyone.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Quotes
Krusty: Boys and girls, let's just...[spotlight shifts as Krusty moves] I just want-[shifts again] Come on guys, I'm not doing the spotlight bit! [spotlight positions above Krusty] Let's all give a warm welcome to my father, Rabbi Hyman Krustofski. [Rabbi Krustofsky appears behind curtains to kids' cheers][Krusty gestures to orchestra]
Krusty: [sings] Oh mein papa, to me he was so wonderful. Oh mein papa, to me he was so good [gestures to Rabbi Hyman]. You know the words.
Krusty and Rabbi Krustofsky: No one could be, as gentle and so lovable, oh mein papa, he always understood! [to audience] We haven't seen each other in 25 YEARS!
Rabbi Krustofsky: I love you, son.
Krusty: I love you too, daddy. [Rabbi Krustofsky slams Krusty's face with a pie. Both then laugh and hug.]
Krusty: [sings] Oh mein papa, to me he was so wonderful. Oh mein papa, to me he was so good [gestures to Rabbi Hyman]. You know the words.
Krusty and Rabbi Krustofsky: No one could be, as gentle and so lovable, oh mein papa, he always understood! [to audience] We haven't seen each other in 25 YEARS!
Rabbi Krustofsky: I love you, son.
Krusty: I love you too, daddy. [Rabbi Krustofsky slams Krusty's face with a pie. Both then laugh and hug.]
Friday, October 30, 2009
Quotes
Homer drives backwards into a trout hatchery]
Trout: [singing] Homer loves Mindy! Homer loves Mindy!
Cherub Carl: Hey Homer, you're hallucinating again.
Cherub Lenny: Not a good sign.
Trout: [singing] Homer loves Mindy! Homer loves Mindy!
Cherub Carl: Hey Homer, you're hallucinating again.
Cherub Lenny: Not a good sign.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Quotes
Malibu Stacy doll: Don't ask me. I'm just a girl! [giggles]
Bart: Right on! Say it, sister!
Lisa: It's not funny, Bart! Millions of girls will grow up thinking that this is the way to act � that they can never be more than vacuous ninnies whose only goals are to look pretty and land a rich husband and spend all day on the phone with their equally vacuous friends and brag about how damned terrific it is to look pretty and land a rich husband!
Bart: ...That's just what I was gonna say.
Bart: Right on! Say it, sister!
Lisa: It's not funny, Bart! Millions of girls will grow up thinking that this is the way to act � that they can never be more than vacuous ninnies whose only goals are to look pretty and land a rich husband and spend all day on the phone with their equally vacuous friends and brag about how damned terrific it is to look pretty and land a rich husband!
Bart: ...That's just what I was gonna say.
Quotes
(Marge is on the shooting range shooting cardboard cutouts of criminals and not shooting at civilians)
Chief Wiggum: You missed the baby, the blind guy...
Chief Wiggum: You missed the baby, the blind guy...
Monday, October 26, 2009
Quotes
Grampa: Ladies like sweet-talking.
Moe: Hey, I'm sweet. I'm sweeter than Jewish wine.
Grampa: Then prove it. I want you to charm the next pretty young thing that walks through that door.[Homer suddenly enters the bar to the applause of the studio audience]
Homer: Greetings!
Moe: Hey, I'm sweet. I'm sweeter than Jewish wine.
Grampa: Then prove it. I want you to charm the next pretty young thing that walks through that door.[Homer suddenly enters the bar to the applause of the studio audience]
Homer: Greetings!
Quotes
Grampa: Ladies like sweet-talking.
Moe: Hey, I'm sweet. I'm sweeter than Jewish wine.
Grampa: Then prove it. I want you to charm the next pretty young thing that walks through that door.[Homer suddenly enters the bar to the applause of the studio audience]
Homer: Greetings!
Moe: Hey, I'm sweet. I'm sweeter than Jewish wine.
Grampa: Then prove it. I want you to charm the next pretty young thing that walks through that door.[Homer suddenly enters the bar to the applause of the studio audience]
Homer: Greetings!
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Quotes
[Moe gets Homer ready for his first fight.]
Moe: Okay, you're fightin' a guy called Boxcar Bob.
Homer: Brawled his way up from the boxcars, did he?
Moe: No, not exactly. He still lives down at the train yard. But he's a hungry young fighter! In fact, he's fightin' for a sandwich
Moe: Okay, you're fightin' a guy called Boxcar Bob.
Homer: Brawled his way up from the boxcars, did he?
Moe: No, not exactly. He still lives down at the train yard. But he's a hungry young fighter! In fact, he's fightin' for a sandwich
Quotes
Homer: Uh, I have a question, Phoney.
Lisa: It's a movie, Dad.
Homer: Quiet, honey, Daddy's asking the man a question.
Lisa: It's a movie, Dad.
Homer: Quiet, honey, Daddy's asking the man a question.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Quotes
[Ned snaps after his newly built house collapses and his glasses break.]
Ned: AW, HELL DIDILLY-DING-DONG-CRAP! CAN'T YOU MORONS DO ANYTHING RIGHT?![Everyone gasps]
Marge: Ned, we meant well, and everyone here tried their best.
Ned: Well, my family and I can't live on good intentions, Marge! Oh, your family's out of control but we can't blame you because you have GOOD INTENTIONS!
Bart: Hey, back off, Man!
Ned: OH! OK dude! I wouldn't want you to have a cow, MAN! Hey, here's a catchphrase you'd better learn for your adult years: Hey buddy, GOT A QUARTER?![Everyone gasps]
Bart: I am shocked and appalled.
Lisa: Mr. Flanders, with all due respect, Bart didn't do anything!
Ned: Oh! Do I hear the sound of butting in? It must be little Lisa Simpson: Springfield's answer to a question that NO ONE ASKED![Cheif Wiggum laughs]
Ned: What do we have here? The long, flabby arm of the law. The last case you got to the bottom of, was a case of Mallomars!
Krusty: Mallomars! That's going in the act.
Ned: Oh, yeah, the clown. The only one of you buffoons who doesn't make me laugh! (Sees Lenny) And as for you! I don't know you but I'm sure you're a jerk!
Lenny: Hey! I've only been here a few minutes! What's going on?
Ned: (to Moe) You ugly, hate-filled man!
Moe: Hey, Hey, I may be ugly and hate-filled, but I -- Uh, what was the third thing you said?
Ned: (gently but angrily) Homer...you are the worst human being I have ever met...
Homer: Hey, I got off pretty easy...
Ned: AW, HELL DIDILLY-DING-DONG-CRAP! CAN'T YOU MORONS DO ANYTHING RIGHT?![Everyone gasps]
Marge: Ned, we meant well, and everyone here tried their best.
Ned: Well, my family and I can't live on good intentions, Marge! Oh, your family's out of control but we can't blame you because you have GOOD INTENTIONS!
Bart: Hey, back off, Man!
Ned: OH! OK dude! I wouldn't want you to have a cow, MAN! Hey, here's a catchphrase you'd better learn for your adult years: Hey buddy, GOT A QUARTER?![Everyone gasps]
Bart: I am shocked and appalled.
Lisa: Mr. Flanders, with all due respect, Bart didn't do anything!
Ned: Oh! Do I hear the sound of butting in? It must be little Lisa Simpson: Springfield's answer to a question that NO ONE ASKED![Cheif Wiggum laughs]
Ned: What do we have here? The long, flabby arm of the law. The last case you got to the bottom of, was a case of Mallomars!
Krusty: Mallomars! That's going in the act.
Ned: Oh, yeah, the clown. The only one of you buffoons who doesn't make me laugh! (Sees Lenny) And as for you! I don't know you but I'm sure you're a jerk!
Lenny: Hey! I've only been here a few minutes! What's going on?
Ned: (to Moe) You ugly, hate-filled man!
Moe: Hey, Hey, I may be ugly and hate-filled, but I -- Uh, what was the third thing you said?
Ned: (gently but angrily) Homer...you are the worst human being I have ever met...
Homer: Hey, I got off pretty easy...
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Fun
Marge : Have you noticed something about Bart? -Homer : New glasses? -Marge : No. It seems like something could be troubling him. -Homer : Probably misses his old glasses. -Marge : I want to get more involved in Bart's activities, but then I'd be afraid of smothering him. -Homer : Yeah, and then we'd get the chair. -Marge : That's not what I meant. -Homer : Admit it Marge, it was.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Quotes
Selma: [showing slides] And this is Patty trying to plug her leg razor into one of those ungodly Czechoslovakian outlets.[She moves on to the next slide. It shows a hairy-legged Patty.]
Selma:As you can see, we never did get the hang of it.
Bart: Aye, carumba!
Selma:As you can see, we never did get the hang of it.
Bart: Aye, carumba!
Monday, October 19, 2009
Funny
[a large black SUV pulls up outside the school, Fat Tony opens the door]
Fat Tony: We are going for a ride...[the children gasp]...by which I mean the car pool, perhaps we will get yogurt....[the chldren sigh with relief]...Now, who wants to sleep with the fishes?...[the children gasp again]...'cause I just bought this Finding Nemo bedspread.[the children sigh with relief again]
Fat Tony: We are going for a ride...[the children gasp]...by which I mean the car pool, perhaps we will get yogurt....[the chldren sigh with relief]...Now, who wants to sleep with the fishes?...[the children gasp again]...'cause I just bought this Finding Nemo bedspread.[the children sigh with relief again]
Funny
Homer: I'd like a beer, please.
Bartender: Sorry, you gotta be a pilot to drink in here.
Homer: Uh, but I am a pilot.
Bartender: Where's your uniform?
Homer: Um, I stowed it safely in the overhead compartment!
Bartender: Well, you talk the talk. Here's a loaner.
Bartender: Sorry, you gotta be a pilot to drink in here.
Homer: Uh, but I am a pilot.
Bartender: Where's your uniform?
Homer: Um, I stowed it safely in the overhead compartment!
Bartender: Well, you talk the talk. Here's a loaner.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
fun
Bart: I met this exotic dancer last night at Hugh's bachelor party.
Lisa: Hugh didn't have a bachelor party.
Bart: We had one in his honor.[Lisa looks at Bart as though unconvinced]
Bart: I had one in his honor.[Lisa looks at Bart as though unconvinced]
Bart: ...I went to a strip club.
Lisa: Hugh didn't have a bachelor party.
Bart: We had one in his honor.[Lisa looks at Bart as though unconvinced]
Bart: I had one in his honor.[Lisa looks at Bart as though unconvinced]
Bart: ...I went to a strip club.
Talk
Homer: Our family was suffering through its worst crisis ever. Bart was miserable at school, and Lisa's gifts were going to waste.
Bart: Uh, Homer? It's five years later, and I'm still miserable at school.
Lisa: And my gifts are still going to waste!
Marge: And sometimes I feel so smothered by this family I just want to scream until my lungs explode!![The rest of the family stares at Marge for a moment. She takes a deep breath.]
Marge: I'll go start dinner now.
Homer: You do that.
Bart: Uh, Homer? It's five years later, and I'm still miserable at school.
Lisa: And my gifts are still going to waste!
Marge: And sometimes I feel so smothered by this family I just want to scream until my lungs explode!![The rest of the family stares at Marge for a moment. She takes a deep breath.]
Marge: I'll go start dinner now.
Homer: You do that.
Quote
saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty and if its speed dropped, it would explode! I think it was called ... "The Bus That Couldnt Slow Down."
Powers of Ten
Powers of Ten
View the Milky Way at 10 million light years from the Earth. Then move through space towards the Earth in successive orders of magnitude until you reach a tall oak tree just outside the buildings of the National High Magnetic Field Laboratory in Tallahassee, Florida. After that, begin to move from the actual size of a leaf into a microscopic world that reveals leaf cell walls, the cell nucleus, chromatin, DNA and finally, into the subatomic universe of electrons and protons.
http://micro.magnet.fsu.edu/primer/java/scienceopticsu/powersof10/index.html
View the Milky Way at 10 million light years from the Earth. Then move through space towards the Earth in successive orders of magnitude until you reach a tall oak tree just outside the buildings of the National High Magnetic Field Laboratory in Tallahassee, Florida. After that, begin to move from the actual size of a leaf into a microscopic world that reveals leaf cell walls, the cell nucleus, chromatin, DNA and finally, into the subatomic universe of electrons and protons.
http://micro.magnet.fsu.edu/primer/java/scienceopticsu/powersof10/index.html
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
Quotes
Bart: (to Grampa Simpson) We need to know your first name.
Grampa: You're making my tombstone!
Lisa: No, we're just curious!
Grampa: Well, let's see...first name, first name. Well, whenever I get confused, I just check my underwear! (he whips them off without taking off his pants.) It holds the answer all the important questions! Call me...(checking the name) Abraham Simpson!
Lisa: Grampa...how did you take off your underwear without taking off your pants?
Grampa: (confused) I...don't...know!
Grampa: You're making my tombstone!
Lisa: No, we're just curious!
Grampa: Well, let's see...first name, first name. Well, whenever I get confused, I just check my underwear! (he whips them off without taking off his pants.) It holds the answer all the important questions! Call me...(checking the name) Abraham Simpson!
Lisa: Grampa...how did you take off your underwear without taking off your pants?
Grampa: (confused) I...don't...know!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Simpsons Quote
Bart: [As a spider] Hey, Dad. Check it out. [Makes a message with webbing that reads "Eat my shorts"]
Homer: "Eat my... shorts? Why, you little--! [Interrupted when he sees Maggie as an anteater] Maggie! [Lisa - as an owl - grabs Maggie] Lisa! [Grabs Lisa and Maggie]
Lisa: [As an owl] We were just playing.
Homer: What game?
Lisa: 'Let's eat Maggie'.
Homer: "Eat my... shorts? Why, you little--! [Interrupted when he sees Maggie as an anteater] Maggie! [Lisa - as an owl - grabs Maggie] Lisa! [Grabs Lisa and Maggie]
Lisa: [As an owl] We were just playing.
Homer: What game?
Lisa: 'Let's eat Maggie'.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Homer
Homer: [watches Santa's Little Helper eating dog food] Hey, how come he gets meat and we don't?
Marge: You wouldn't want what he's eating, it's mostly just snouts and entrails.
Homer: Mmm... snouts.
Marge: You wouldn't want what he's eating, it's mostly just snouts and entrails.
Homer: Mmm... snouts.
Quotes
Homer Simpson: ... fourscore four, fourscore five, fourscore six, fourscore and seven paces.[Homer swings a pickaxe into the floor.]
Marge Simpson: Wait! How do you know this is where Lincoln buried the gold. You just started counting from an arbitrary place.
Homer Simpson: I just started what from a what?
Marge Simpson: Your plan makes no sense.
Homer Simpson: Gold bars discovered by Marge, zero. Gold bars discovered by Homer, well, let's just see.[Homer swings axe again, and some of the floor gives way. Through the hole, we can see Lisa in the Oval Office, startled by the ceiling caving in near her.]
Homer Simpson: Whoops! Sorry, honey.
Marge Simpson: Gold bars discovered by Homer?
Homer Simpson: Shut up.
Marge Simpson: Wait! How do you know this is where Lincoln buried the gold. You just started counting from an arbitrary place.
Homer Simpson: I just started what from a what?
Marge Simpson: Your plan makes no sense.
Homer Simpson: Gold bars discovered by Marge, zero. Gold bars discovered by Homer, well, let's just see.[Homer swings axe again, and some of the floor gives way. Through the hole, we can see Lisa in the Oval Office, startled by the ceiling caving in near her.]
Homer Simpson: Whoops! Sorry, honey.
Marge Simpson: Gold bars discovered by Homer?
Homer Simpson: Shut up.
Talk
Janey: Now remember, Wanda, whatever shape the wax takes, that's what your husband's job will be.[Janey drips some melted candle wax into a cup of cold water.]
Wanda: [disappointed] It's a mop. My husband will be a janitor.
Lisa: That looks like an Olympic torch to me. Your husband could be an Olympic athlete who will go on to have a great acting career!
Wanda: [lets another drop of wax fall] It's a dustpan.
Lisa: The wax never lies...
Wanda: [disappointed] It's a mop. My husband will be a janitor.
Lisa: That looks like an Olympic torch to me. Your husband could be an Olympic athlete who will go on to have a great acting career!
Wanda: [lets another drop of wax fall] It's a dustpan.
Lisa: The wax never lies...
Homer simpsons vocab
capdabbler
n. unknown inanimate object, taken from a famous poem.
Look at them all, through the darkness I'm bringingThey're not sad at all, they're actually singing!They sing without juicersThey sing without blendersThey sing without flungers, capdabblers and smendlers!
n. unknown inanimate object, taken from a famous poem.
Look at them all, through the darkness I'm bringingThey're not sad at all, they're actually singing!They sing without juicersThey sing without blendersThey sing without flungers, capdabblers and smendlers!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
FUN JOKE
Yall momma so stupid when the computer said press any key to continue, she cudnt find da anykey
Joke
THINGS THAT ARE "DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE" TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Pizza? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination.. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Pizza? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination.. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Just for fun
With the qualities of cleanliness, affection, patience, dignity, and courage that cats have, how many of us, I ask you, would be capable of becoming cats?
Quote
A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, big or small, young or old. He doesn't care if you're not smart, not popular, not a good joke-teller, not the best athlete, nor the best-looking person. To your dog, you are the greatest, the smartest, the nicest human being who was ever born. You are his friend and protector.”
Friday, October 9, 2009
Quote
Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done. Homer: You say that so often that it lost its meaning.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
HI!
I'm going out to run some errands now, so don't touch any of my stuff. ... Gotta go get some more postage stamps so I can send out today
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
The simpsons
Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl. Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy. Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up.
Easier?
The lesson:
The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money....or the most awards. they simply are the ones who care the most
The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money....or the most awards. they simply are the ones who care the most
Here's another quiz. How you do on this one:
- List a few teachers who aided your jounrney through school.
- name 3 friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
- name 5 people who have taught you something worthwhile.
- think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
- think of 5 people you enjoy spending time with.
How did you do?
The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yestoday.
The charlie Schulz Philosophy
- Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
- name the last 5 Heisman trophy winners.
- name the last 5 winners of the Miss America pageant.
- name 10 people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
- name the last half sozen Academy Awards winners for best acotr and actress.
- name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
What i was doing today
- I was taking hot shower and suddenly smoke alarm went on it almost give me a heart attack.
- Don’t you hate that when you open can of soda and shoots up in the air got soaked LOL.
- going for night walk with my dogs
- doing my homeworks and thinking about renting a movie
- sitting in class and playing my computer
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
