Sunday, November 29, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
QUOTES
Bart: Look at that hunk of junk!
Grandpa: (sputters) You're ignorant! That's the Wright Brothers' plane! In Kitty Hawk in 1903, Charles Lindbergh flew it fifteen miles on a thimble full of corn oil. Single-handedly won us the Civil War, it did!
Bart: How do you know so much about history, Grandpa?
Grandpa: I pieced it together, mostly from sugar packets!
Grandpa: (sputters) You're ignorant! That's the Wright Brothers' plane! In Kitty Hawk in 1903, Charles Lindbergh flew it fifteen miles on a thimble full of corn oil. Single-handedly won us the Civil War, it did!
Bart: How do you know so much about history, Grandpa?
Grandpa: I pieced it together, mostly from sugar packets!
Quotes
Marge: [grumbling] Uhhh... My best dress. (Bart laughs)
Lisa: Why do I get the feeling that one day I'll be describing this to a psychiatrist?
Homer:: Listen to 'em laughing. This is so humiliating. I'm never going to live this down. Damn Flanders!!!!
Flanders: [laughing] You know, Simpson, I feel kinda silly but, what the hey, you know. It kinda reminds me of my good old fraternity days.
Homer: D'OH!!!! Oh my God, he's enjoying it!
Lisa: Why do I get the feeling that one day I'll be describing this to a psychiatrist?
Homer:: Listen to 'em laughing. This is so humiliating. I'm never going to live this down. Damn Flanders!!!!
Flanders: [laughing] You know, Simpson, I feel kinda silly but, what the hey, you know. It kinda reminds me of my good old fraternity days.
Homer: D'OH!!!! Oh my God, he's enjoying it!
Friday, November 13, 2009
Quotes
Tom Clancy: Hello, this is Tom Clancy. Would I say, "If you're hunting for a good read this October, Marge Simpson's book is a clear and present danger to your free time"? Hell no I wouldn't. What do you mean I just said it? That doesn't count! Hello. Hello?
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
QUOTES
Detective: Now don't you fret. When I'm through, he won't set foot in this town again. I can be very, very persuasive.[The detective takes out a gun and puts it in his coat. He joins Sideshow Bob in a bar.]
Detective: [whiny] Come on, leave town!
Sideshow Bob No.
Detective: I'll be your friend!
Sideshow Bob: No.
Detective: Aw, you're mean!
Detective: [whiny] Come on, leave town!
Sideshow Bob No.
Detective: I'll be your friend!
Sideshow Bob: No.
Detective: Aw, you're mean!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Quotes
[Homer is asleep on the couch, drool dripping out of his mouth.]
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No.
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No![following Homer walking down the hallway]
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No.
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No.[at the dinner table]
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No.
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No![as Homer watches television]
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No.
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No.[as Homer takes a shower]
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No!!
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: NO!!!![as Homer is in bed]
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: NO!!!!!!
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: NOOO!!
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: NOOOOO!!![Marge pulls her pillow over her head]
Homer: If I take you will you two SHUT UP AND QUIT BUGGING ME!
Bart: Yeah!
Lisa: Of course!
Bart: Well?
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: Yes!
Bart+Lisa: Thanks, dad!
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No.
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No![following Homer walking down the hallway]
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No.
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No.[at the dinner table]
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No.
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No![as Homer watches television]
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No.
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No.[as Homer takes a shower]
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: No!!
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: NO!!!![as Homer is in bed]
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: NO!!!!!!
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: NOOO!!
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: NOOOOO!!![Marge pulls her pillow over her head]
Homer: If I take you will you two SHUT UP AND QUIT BUGGING ME!
Bart: Yeah!
Lisa: Of course!
Bart: Well?
Bart+Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
Homer: Yes!
Bart+Lisa: Thanks, dad!
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Quotes
Leon: Don't you worry. Your family's going to be here before you know it.
Hospital patient: Forget it, pal. There's only one way out of here, and it ain't pretty.
Homer: What's that?
Hospital patient: Dating a nurse.
Homer: [whining] Oh!
Hospital patient: Forget it, pal. There's only one way out of here, and it ain't pretty.
Homer: What's that?
Hospital patient: Dating a nurse.
Homer: [whining] Oh!
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
What Is Intelligence, Anyway?
When I was in the army, I received the kind of aptitude test that
all soldiers took and, against a normal of 100, scored 160. No one at
the base had ever seen a figure like that, and for two hours they made
a big fuss over me. (It didn't mean anything. The next day I was still
a buck private with KP - kitchen police - as my highest duty.)
All my life I've been registering scores like that, so that I have
the complacent feeling that I'm highly intelligent, and I expect other
people to think so too. Actually, though, don't such cores simply
mean that I am very good at answering the type of academic questions
that are considered worthy of answers by people who make up the
intelligence tests - people with intellectual bents similar to mine?
For instance, I had an auto-repair man once, who, on these
intelligence tests, could not possibly have scored more than 80, by my
estimate. I always took it for granted that I was far more intelligent
than he was. Yet, when anything went wrong with my car I hastened to
him with it, watched him anxiously as he explored its vitals, and
listened to his pronouncements as though they were divine oracles -
and he always fixed my car.
Well, then, suppose my auto-repair man devised questions for an
intelligence test. Or suppose a carpenter did, or a farmer, or,
indeed, almost anyone but an academician. By every one of those tests,
I'd prove myself a moron, and I'd be a moron, too. In a world where
I could not use my academic training and my verbal talents but had to
do something intricate or hard, working with my hands, I would do
poorly. My intelligence, then, is not absolute but is a function of
the society I live in and of the fact that a small subsection of that
society has managed to foist itself on the rest as an arbiter of such
matters.
Consider my auto-repair man, again. He had a habit of telling me
jokes whenever he saw me. One time he raised his head from under the
automobile hood to say: "Doc, a deaf-and-mute guy went into a hardware
store to ask for some nails. He put two fingers together on the
counter and made hammering motions with the other hand. The clerk
brought him a hammer. He shook his head and pointed to the two fingers
he was hammering. The clerk brought him nails. He picked out the sizes
he wanted, and left. Well, doc, the next guy who came in was a blind
man. He wanted scissors. How do you suppose he asked for them?"
Indulgently, I lifted by right hand and made scissoring motions
with my first two fingers. Whereupon my auto-repair man laughed
raucously and said, "Why, you dumb jerk, He used his voice and asked
for them." Then he said smugly, "I've been trying that on all my
customers today." "Did you catch many?" I asked. "Quite a few," he
said, "but I knew for sure I'd catch you." "Why is that?" I asked.
"Because you're so goddamned educated, doc, I knew you couldn't be
very smart."
And I have an uneasy feeling he had something there.
-- Isaac Asimov
all soldiers took and, against a normal of 100, scored 160. No one at
the base had ever seen a figure like that, and for two hours they made
a big fuss over me. (It didn't mean anything. The next day I was still
a buck private with KP - kitchen police - as my highest duty.)
All my life I've been registering scores like that, so that I have
the complacent feeling that I'm highly intelligent, and I expect other
people to think so too. Actually, though, don't such cores simply
mean that I am very good at answering the type of academic questions
that are considered worthy of answers by people who make up the
intelligence tests - people with intellectual bents similar to mine?
For instance, I had an auto-repair man once, who, on these
intelligence tests, could not possibly have scored more than 80, by my
estimate. I always took it for granted that I was far more intelligent
than he was. Yet, when anything went wrong with my car I hastened to
him with it, watched him anxiously as he explored its vitals, and
listened to his pronouncements as though they were divine oracles -
and he always fixed my car.
Well, then, suppose my auto-repair man devised questions for an
intelligence test. Or suppose a carpenter did, or a farmer, or,
indeed, almost anyone but an academician. By every one of those tests,
I'd prove myself a moron, and I'd be a moron, too. In a world where
I could not use my academic training and my verbal talents but had to
do something intricate or hard, working with my hands, I would do
poorly. My intelligence, then, is not absolute but is a function of
the society I live in and of the fact that a small subsection of that
society has managed to foist itself on the rest as an arbiter of such
matters.
Consider my auto-repair man, again. He had a habit of telling me
jokes whenever he saw me. One time he raised his head from under the
automobile hood to say: "Doc, a deaf-and-mute guy went into a hardware
store to ask for some nails. He put two fingers together on the
counter and made hammering motions with the other hand. The clerk
brought him a hammer. He shook his head and pointed to the two fingers
he was hammering. The clerk brought him nails. He picked out the sizes
he wanted, and left. Well, doc, the next guy who came in was a blind
man. He wanted scissors. How do you suppose he asked for them?"
Indulgently, I lifted by right hand and made scissoring motions
with my first two fingers. Whereupon my auto-repair man laughed
raucously and said, "Why, you dumb jerk, He used his voice and asked
for them." Then he said smugly, "I've been trying that on all my
customers today." "Did you catch many?" I asked. "Quite a few," he
said, "but I knew for sure I'd catch you." "Why is that?" I asked.
"Because you're so goddamned educated, doc, I knew you couldn't be
very smart."
And I have an uneasy feeling he had something there.
-- Isaac Asimov
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Quotes
Marge: Hawaii, here we come!
Lisa: No, no! We're going to Paris, I can feel it!
Bart: Come on, Transylvania!
Homer: No, mon, let's go home to Jamaica! I and I been in Babylon too long.
PA: Attention. Flight 605 to Tokyo is ready for departure, and has four available mega-savers seats.
Marge: Come on, Homer - Japan!
Homer: No, no Japan, Jamaica! I want to pass the dutchie on the left-hand side!
Lisa: No, no! We're going to Paris, I can feel it!
Bart: Come on, Transylvania!
Homer: No, mon, let's go home to Jamaica! I and I been in Babylon too long.
PA: Attention. Flight 605 to Tokyo is ready for departure, and has four available mega-savers seats.
Marge: Come on, Homer - Japan!
Homer: No, no Japan, Jamaica! I want to pass the dutchie on the left-hand side!
Quotes
[Homer looks at Moe's old boxing posters]
Homer: Moe? You used to be a boxer just like me?!
Moe: Yep! They called me Kid Gorgeous. Later on, it was Kid Presentable... and then it was Kid Gruesome... and finally, Kid Moe.
Homer: (looking at another picture) You know Lucius Sweet?! He's one of the biggest names in boxing! He's exactly as rich and famous as Don King, and he looks just like him, too!
Moe: Yeah, he was my manager! Back when I was Gorgeous, everybody wanted a piece of me. But somehow, I just never made it to the big time.
Homer: Why not?
Moe: 'Cause I got knocked out 40 times in a row. That, plus politics, you know. It's all politics.
Homer: Lousy Democrats!
Homer: Moe? You used to be a boxer just like me?!
Moe: Yep! They called me Kid Gorgeous. Later on, it was Kid Presentable... and then it was Kid Gruesome... and finally, Kid Moe.
Homer: (looking at another picture) You know Lucius Sweet?! He's one of the biggest names in boxing! He's exactly as rich and famous as Don King, and he looks just like him, too!
Moe: Yeah, he was my manager! Back when I was Gorgeous, everybody wanted a piece of me. But somehow, I just never made it to the big time.
Homer: Why not?
Moe: 'Cause I got knocked out 40 times in a row. That, plus politics, you know. It's all politics.
Homer: Lousy Democrats!
Quotes
[The Flaming Moe's Song]When the weight of the world has got you downAnd you want to end your lifeBills to pay, a dead-end jobAnd problems with the wifeWell, don't throw in the towelCos there's a place right down the blockWhere you can drink you misery away...At Flaming Moe's (Let's all go to Flaming Moe's)Where liquor in a mugCan warm you like a hugAnd happiness is just a Flaming Moe awayHappiness is just a Flaming Moe away
Monday, November 2, 2009
Quotes
Bart: Uh, yeah, I'd like to speak to a Mr. Tabooger, first name Ollie.
Homer: [excited Ooh, Bart, my first prank call! What do I do?
Bart: Just ask if anyone knows Ollie Tabooger.
Homer: [clueless] I don't get it.
Bart: [frustrated] Yell out 'I'll eat a booger'!
Homer: [clueless] What's the gag?
Bart: Oh, forget it...[hangs up]
Homer: [excited Ooh, Bart, my first prank call! What do I do?
Bart: Just ask if anyone knows Ollie Tabooger.
Homer: [clueless] I don't get it.
Bart: [frustrated] Yell out 'I'll eat a booger'!
Homer: [clueless] What's the gag?
Bart: Oh, forget it...[hangs up]
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Quotes
Homer: All I know is the guy who played Mozart was also in Animal House. Now there's a movie with good music.
(breaking into the Animal House song)
Animal House, House, House
Nobody ever went to class
Then we sawDonald Sutherland's ass
Animal House, House, House, House
Animal House, House, House, House
Then they did the end like American Graffiti
Where you found out what happened to everyone.
(breaking into the Animal House song)
Animal House, House, House
Nobody ever went to class
Then we sawDonald Sutherland's ass
Animal House, House, House, House
Animal House, House, House, House
Then they did the end like American Graffiti
Where you found out what happened to everyone.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
